it’s 2:44 am right now and the night is growing deeper;
i can’t sleep, so i start thinking of you over and over.
i fell in love with you on a cold day of september;
the moment i laid my eyes on you, my life changed forever;
but back then, i have no clue that i want you to be my lover;
i just want you to be around me. and that’s what matter.
my whole life before you happened is such a blur;
and future without you seems boring, uncertain, duller.
i am really-foolishly in love with you and i have never been so certain about something, so sure.
for years i questioned love & lust and tried to seek my own desire, to find what’s worth. and honey, you are the answer,
you are my saviour,
you are my disaster,
and i think i’ll love you forever.
someone ever asked me, “do you ever think of killing yourself?”
to think of it, i never.
im too afraid of blood, pain, and knife. i dont like the thoughts of hanging myself with a rope. i despised pills and guns.
instead, i imagined someone threw a knife at my throat and left me bled to death.
some nights, i thought about bad things, very bad things.
midnights, where monsters and demons waiting for their prey
cold hands trying to grasp my hopes and crushed it to pieces
desperately wanting to be saved
love, an enigma that even one cant decipher
what i have been thinking about lately is escape, escape, escape.
i wish i could stop thinking those.
–best regards gro
n thanks to avant garde for the words.
im gonna post happy things soon.
June 15th 2017
it was the best day i have ever had. all 6 of us are there. i felt complete.
we were having so much fun despite one of us has to go somewhere far away.
i love all the things we do that day. when we were shopping, getting wet from the rain, making foods, eating together.
but my favorite part is when we all bundled up in a bed. just laying and having silence surround us.
because in that moment, i thought of us, thought about times we spend with each other, having good times and bad times, being together, being happy together.
because i cant help but thinking that it maybe the last time we will be together. one of us will leave soon, and maybe in the next school year we would not be in the same class again.
because i have realized that i adore and love these girls so much.
i really miss them now. gonna hug them the next time we meet.
i dreamt of kissing uma thurman.
i remember the dream as clear as a crystal though it happened days, even weeks ago.
i was dancing in the dance floor. the lights were dim. the musics were lively. it was perfect.
she was dancing beside me in a beautiful black dress whilst i was being a fool and kept on slipping from my red skirt.
seeing me like that, she then took my hand and dragged me to the changing room.
i was startled at first but relaxed when i knew that she just wanted to help me with that damn skirt.
so, she took off her own black skirt and offered it to me. i refused it because it meant she has nothing to wear.
upon seeing my hesitant, she assured me by showing her other dress. it was a purple dress. purple. it was the ugliest purple dress i have ever seen in my dreams. who can wear those?
however i was proven wrong when i saw her with that dress. the ugly dress had turned into the most beautiful.
she was so gorgeous and so ethereal that it made me silent for a while. just staring at her.
feeling so awestrucked and amazed, i walked closer to her and pecked her lips. i kissed uma thurman in my dream and it was the best thing.
im such a sucker for kisses and uma thurman and kisses from uma thurman.
p. s. : the amount of the words ‘uma thurman’ and ‘kiss’ are so overwhelming and too much. im sorry.
fast asleep and snug ahead.
goodnight, little sleepyhead.
now the toys are put away,
it’s time to dream of yesterday.
and what will morning bring to you?
a whole new day with lots to do.
so sleep in peace, in slumber sound,
until the busy day comes around.
not mine, found it in a piece of paper in my room.
i sometimes think about you.
about your mesmerizing eyes.
your soft hands.
your calming fragrance.
your lovely smile
your sweet laugh.
i think you are amazing.
well, actually more that that.
you are heavenly ethereal.
i think too much of you.
hi it’s me,
a girl trying to start a blog full of her thoughts, opinion, and other what-nots.
p. s. : do sit back and enjoy any content i post.